Things are motoring along just nicely here at Heartburn Hotel these days. After an activity filled weekend we are now enjoying the hazy lazy days of summer. The much welcomed thunderstorm that arrived last night with great fanfare and a hell of a light show did a fantastic job of breaking the heat wave that we’ve been suffering through for the past 5 days, and has taken the temperature down to a comfortable 22, instead of an uncomfortable 45, which was just about the closest thing to hell on earth that I have ever experienced!! For the first time in our country lives up here on the roof, we spent a good chunk of the night without Hydro, which was actually most enjoyable. A few games of Jenn Slaughters Steve (aka Gin Rummy) by candlelight was most enjoyable.
Baby continues to practice his dance moves – I think the storm last night caused him to do a little back flip, as he now seems to be facing the other way – where there were formerly feet there is now something bum like, and where bum like was before, there seems to be feet. This will give my right side organs a well deserved break, while the left side ones are in for the time of their lives! As long as he stays head down, he can do whatever he wants in there, because we’re not interested in anything that comes out feet (or bum) first!
This weekend was activity filled inside and out. Mr Big Tractor man showed up on Saturday and proceeded to cut all the wheat in the field behind us. He must have figured out we were new ‘round these parts when I sat on the porch and took about a dozen pictures of him and his large contraption. Fricking city folks, never seen a tractor before??!!
Steve’s mom sent us a little list of lessons we were about to learn in the near future as the parents of a little boy, and I think I’ll share a few as they almost made both Steve and I pee our pants (and shake in horrified anticipation all at the same time!)
-If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
-You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
-When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
-Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
-A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
-Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
-No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
-Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
-Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- 80% of Women who read this will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids….80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Lord Help us All.