Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dear Fellow Commuters in the Greater Me Area

We need to talk.

I have some issues. Some issues with some of your driving habits. Mind if we talk about them?

No?

OK, great!

Issue #1 - the route I drive to work is a one lane highway. There is one itty bitty spot where it opens up to two lanes, to give all the speedy drivers a chance to pass the slow drivers. There's a big sign at the start of these two lanes, I'm pretty sure it reads "Keep right except to pass." I'm pretty sure it DOES NOT read "Keep right, but only if you feel like it." I'm also pretty sure it doesn't read "Keep right, unless you're a short fat guy in a green minivan." Actually, come to think of it, I'm certain it doesn't even read "Keep right except to pass," it actually reads "KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS" and we all know that those all caps means PAY ATTENTION TO THESE MOTHERTRUCKING WORDS!! Seriously folks, you may not care if you're late for work, hell, you may not even care if I'm late for work, but going 70km an hour in an 80 zone is downright RUDE. Move over! Let us pass! We'll all be happier!

Issue #2 - Why oh why oh WHY does it offend some men when I pass them? It seems to be only men that get pissy. Is it because I drive a station wagon? Is it because I am a woman? Is it because I'm way better looking than them? (Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!) It seems that little boys in big pickup trucks get really upset when a lady passes them on the highway.

Now, to digress - I have my own theories about boys who drive big trucks and supped up cars - I think there's 2 kinds of people that drive these things. The first kind are people that need big trucks for hauling...you know, BIG stuff. It's practical, it makes sense. The second kind, are the ones that drive big trucks and other supped up vehicles to make up for other things in their lives that they feel may be, um, lacking. In size. Or supped-up-edness. If you get my drift.

Today for example: I passed a big black pick up truck, on the inside, when I hit the "keep right" zone. Now I know you shouldn't pass on the inside, but if you're not going to move your patootie over, then I'm going to pass you any which way I want! It seems I offended the driver terribly, because shortly later, Mr Pickup decided to pass me, on the inside. Only thing was, there was no other lane...he went onto the SHOULDER of the road, doing 80km/hour, to pass me. Not a kilometer up the road, after he merged back in and cut me off, he turned off the highway - this is how I KNOW he was only passing me to be an asshat, and to prove the superiority of his small cock big truck. I smiled and waved, and hope I irritated him a little more, me and my sexy grey station wagon!

4 comments:

Donna said...

Our lane is a no-place-to-pass lane, but it's dirt and not too big of a deal; the secondary road, though, has no middle line and people outta-town come around and drive the middle 10mph slower than the limit. It seriously irritates me - just because it's their day off doesn't mean the locals are all on vacation!

Regina said...

Funny - I have a whole bunch of truck driving guys like that who live around here, too!!! LOL!

When I first moved up here I still had South Carolina plates, and since I am short Hubby theorized they passed me because I was "the little old lady from South Carolina" (I was 35 at the time!) - now with NY plates and a big van - they still pass me - on the double yellow - near an intersection - in the middle of a corn field - heading away from any population center. Are they that late for their job at the truck stop???

Jonny's Mommy said...

I so agree! What the heck is with men who seem to be all pissed with women passing them. They look shocked like "How dare that little woman think she can pass me?"

Get over yourselves, men.

You drive slow. It's gonna happen.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Gad! I know exactly what you mean about men and their fragile egos when it comes to getting passed by us gals. Ugh. It drives me crazy and I don't get why it's such a big deal. Get outta da way, already!