Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Dear Fellow Drivers of the Great White North

Dear fellow drivers,

I know it’s been a long time since you’ve seen so much of this crazy white crap, but I’d like to point out that this happens every. Single. Year.

It’s snow. We live in Canada. Get over it.

Xoxox
Me

Dear driver of the black something-or-other,

When they say “adjust your speed” for the driving conditions, I don’t think they meant drive 15 km/hr down the highway, and cause a line of cars a mile long to back up behind you. I know it’s a bit slushy and slippery, but dude? 2 words. SNOW. TIRES. Get some, put them on, love them. And then speed up!

Xoxox
Me

Dear Driver of the Big Red Pickup Truck,

I know the dude in the black car was slow, but did you really need to pull out and pass 8 cars, on a road where passing is not really ideal on a clear day? You nearly made me crap my pants!

Seriously.

Xoxox
Me

Dear Driver of the White Volvo,

Your car is white. You may have noticed that the stuff falling from the sky, and swirling around you is, yes, also white. Being in a white car in a white blizzard is kind of like being very well camouflaged, which is an unfortunate state for a car. You may be able to help this situation, by heading to the nearest auto parts store, and purchasing a new LIGHTBULB for your left tail light. While you’re at it, might as well grab 2 more for your BRAKE LIGHTS. They probably cost less than that little “Baby on Board” sticker that you have in your back window, and they just may save you, and your baby’s life.

Idiot.

Xoxox
Me

Dear drivers who just can’t take it, and MUST pull over,

People, if you’re going to pull off the road, then pull OFF the road. Don’t sit there all willy nilly, half on the shoulder, half off, causing chaos in what is already a holy mess! Can’t tell the shoulder from the ditch for all the snow? Try a driveway. Or Tim Hortons! Just get out of the way!

Xoxox
Me

Dear Snow Plough Drivers of the greater Dufferin Area,

Dudes! It had been snowing for like 3 hours by the time I headed home, and for some reason you were completely MIA!! WTF??? Is there a hockey game on? A party at the Legion that I wasn’t invited too?

Get out there and fire ‘em up, boys! It’s WINTER!!

Xoxox
Me

Dear self, and the 3 other people that read this here blog and actually LIVE in the area,

Airport Road + snow + idiots = big bag of stupid. Stay away.

Xoxox
Me

8 comments:

Regina said...

I'm a little further south than you - but it's about the same story here.... just one to add

Dear loser trying to see out a porthole on your windshield while the rest of your car is encrusted in snow and ice,

It's called a snow brush - and the other end works great for scraping.

Get your lazy self up out of bed a few minutes earlier and clean off your car BEFORE you pull out of your driveway!

Thanks!
Me

Kendra said...

Wow. Lovin' the subway after reading that post. And still not thinkin' that I'm comin' out there to visit anytime soon. Oh, and I've lost my "g's".
Kendra

Gretel said...

I think I remember reading this posting last year...and the year before! sorry to hear things haven't improved! My bike ride to class was just dandy today...even with some snow on the ground. (ducking poison darts from Jenn!)

oma said...

I think you should send that to the local, if not the regional newspaper. It's not a laughing matter, but the stupidity of some is the fodder for humour for others. Better to laugh than to cry and the way you write it is quite funny! I hope that makes you feel better.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You'd hate to be in Georgia, then, when it spits 1/16th of an inch of snow. Pande-fracking-monium. Dude.

sheila said...

Send all the idiots to Northeast Ohio...they'll have p-l-e-n-t-y of company here. Lots and Lots of morons on the road.

GREAT post by the way!

xine says said...

So much for wordless wednesdays ;)
Sorry that your commute is going to be worse for a while. If its any consolation think of me on tour with puppets in the same weather...

vandy said...

Airport Rd. in winter??? No way! I use it ONLY in good weather with dry roads.
v