Friday, January 06, 2012

Winds of Change

I've been a little reluctant to post lately, as I feel like there has been a big shift that has happened recently, and I've had difficulty putting it into words, and finding a voice for this "new me."

New me. It sounds corny, especially having just turned the corner into the New Year, but I don't really think that has much to do with it.

Something in me has shifted. I feel hopeful, full of positive energy, and like our dreams might be within reach.

Truth be told, I haven't felt much of any of that in the last few months, which is maybe why there was so little for me to say in this space. I'm all for telling it like it is, but day after day of my deepest darkest thoughts wouldn't have been any fun at all.

A few weeks before Christmas I had a meltdown, of massive proportions. Massive for me anyway. There were tears, heaving sobs; there was some yelly, and the phrase "I'm NOT happy" uttered over and over and over again. I don't know what I said that got me heard, but something tweaked in Steve's head as well, and since that night, things have taken a turn, for the better.

I've been thinking about it all a lot lately, and for me, it all comes down to choice. (Bear with me for a second here, while I try to put the tangle of thoughts and emotions that have been swirling around in my head, into a cohesive sentence.)

Here it is: Everything we do, every single day, is a choice. From getting out of bed, to going to work, to what we eat, and how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves - it's all a choice. There are, of course, some things in life that we can not control, but how we deal with them and how they affect our lives, that can still be a choice.

Had a shitty day?  Well, your day may have indeed been shitty - you might have stubbed your toe getting out of bed, spilled coffee on your favourite shirt, backed your car into a fence pole pulling out of the driveway, and so on.  Still, it's a choice to let it ruin the rest of your day, same as it's a choice to carry on and make the most out of every moment that's left of that day.

Feeling fat and flabby?  But I chose to eat all that I just need to make the CHOICE to get on the damn elliptical and do something about it.

Feeling like you never get any time for yourself?  I need to choose to take that time, find it, make it, whatever.

All these things that make us feel terrible, sad, and disappointed with our lives, they are all within our control. 

So I guess that's the thing that tweaked in me - there is nothing in my life that I can't affect, change, better if I really want to.

And really, why wouldn't I want to?

The shift for me has taken me to a place that feels so much more true to who I am.  I've been seeking inspiration, much of it on line, in homesteading blogs, simple living websites, and the like. I've been simplifying our family's life, one little bite at a time.  Awesomesauce, every step of it.

I've also taken a new look at my "tribe," and where I draw my inspiration from in real life.  I've been feeling a little lost lately, like I'm missing that Real Life Community that I so desperately need, or like I've just been sitting on the edge of one but not quite being allowed in.  But then I realized that I'm not really seeking my tribe out from a group of like-minded people.  Sure, for the most part they are often similar, but there are some fundamental differences in our lives that just can't be ignored. So I've been re-aligning my tribe, so to speak, shuffling the players.  It feels good.

So all that to say...I don't really know what.  To say, I guess, that things are good.  That they are different, and that in itself is good.

And to say that things around here might be a little different from here on in.  And that's OK too.  At least, it's ok to me, and since this is my space, that's all that really matters for today.

I hope you'll stick's gonna get good!  ;)

(P.S.  If you are still here, I'd love to hear from you...I'd love to know who's following us along in this crazy little journey!)



Laura Lee said...

still here!!! and feeling much the same...

Sue said...

absoutely still here sweetie - this is a journey I want to witness!

Terri-Ann said...

Still here- always here! Love to hear your ideas and thoughts. And I totally get that "inner shift" you're talking about. I'd explain more of what it means to me, but like you said, it's hard to put into words. I think you nailed it on the head, though, when you talk about wanting to be part of community and feeling just on the outside. So often we are the ones who put ourselves on the outside, afraid or unwilling or unknowing of how to make the effort to jump into the circle. You have a lot to offer and I hope this shift brings great things!

Kendra said...

Corraggio my friend. The choices that you've made in the past few years have been uniquely yours, corageous and off the beaten path. It's what makes you great and will continue to be a driving force for you. You are and always will be awesome. love. K

Ginger said... many thoughts swirling in my head. Inspiring...that is what I think when I think of you. :)

Ms. Julia Hale said...


gretel said...

me babe. Me. always. love you...been there

Marianne said...

I'm here :) It's a little delayed, I know, but I'm here :)