I'm feeling a little sad today.
Despite our BEST efforts, we did not manage to make any babies this month.
I didn't realize how much I had really pinned my hopes on conceiving this month, until we didn't. I mean, we "got it in one" last time around, and I couldn't possibly think of any reason why that wouldn't be the case this time. I had pictured it all - a cold winter first trimester (perfect for staying inside and going to bed early), a happy and energetic second, and a fall baby, arriving mid October, at one of my most favourite times of the year. The Chinese calender supported our hopes that we'd have a girl this time around. October would be a great time for me to go on mat leave in relation to what would be going on at work. I had it ALL figured out. Truth be told, I even have the pantry stocked with all those things that you suddenly find yourself needing when you're pregnant. Decaf coffee. Decaf tea. Oh, and chips!
What's that they say about the best laid plans?
After spending the last few years of my life on the internet and reading about the struggles of other families to conceive, trust me when I say that I realize that we were INCREDIBLY lucky the first time around. I know there are a ton of families out there who experience this disappointment month after month on end, and I don't imagine that the pain gets to be any less. I really have no right to complain, but since this is my little home, and my little happy place on the webs, I do have the right to talk about how I feel.
And today, I feel sad.
But tomorrow? Tomorrow is new.
And from now on, I promise that I've learned my lesson. No more decaf coffee. No more perusing maternity clothes (awful, I know) until a certified professional (not a stupid 5 dollar pee stick) confirms that I am indeed with child.
Less Chinese calenders. More red wine!
And much, much more lovin'!