Tuesday, May 11, 2010

This shouldn't be happening

As I stood in the drug store today, looking for a sympathy card, I thought to myself "this shouldn't be happening."

I was looking for a sympathy card for a friend of mine, one of the first friends I made when we moved up here. Her husband, at (a healthy) 46 years old, died of a sudden heart attack last night.

In a flash, she, at 33 years old, is a widow.

And a single mom, to a three year old little boy.

A three year old who suddenly doesn't have a father.

This hit me hard.

We are similar in age, as are our husbands, and our children. And yet, I can't even begin to fathom what she is going through right now. Just this past Friday we got together for a little visit. Had tea. The boys played while we chatted. And now, just 4 days later, her life is inexorably changed forever.

She had to make funeral arrangements for her husband today. That's not something a 33 year old woman should be doing.

I spent the day in a bit of a stupor. I have no words. I left her a phone message with condolences, and offers to help in any way she may need. I blubbered my way through it...less than helpful I'm sure.

I couldn't help but try to put myself in her shoes today. What if it was me? What would I do? How would I cope?

All I could come up with was "I don't know."

I have no freaking idea how I'd cope. But I would have to, for my boys.

Find the strength.

It's one of those things that you think about on occasion, and you think it could never happen to you. But then, when it happens to someone close to you, you start to rethink...holy shit, maybe this COULD happen to me.

And that?

That scares the pants off of me.

I'm going to go crawl in bed with my husband and my baby now, and hold them a little tighter tonight.

I'd encourage you to do the same!


I had planned on participating in Five for Ten at Momalom this week, but this came up and I had to talk about it instead. However, while not exactly about Courage (the first topic) at the same time it's kind of ALL ABOUT courage, so I decided to go ahead and link up. Please, if you have extra courage hanging around after writing your post, send them this way - my friend and her family sure could use them right about now.


Ginger said...

I don't know your friend but my heart is breaking for her. I will certainly be thinking good thoughts for her and her little boy.

Samantha said...

That is all about courage - the courage to go on, the courage to do what needs to be done, the courage to be the parent for your child who has just lost a father... my heart breaks for her too, and it does make you realize just how precious our every day ordinary things really are!

sadiesmom said...

My eyes are welled up with tears right now for your friend. My husbands best friend died 2 years ago, leaving a wife and 4 children behind. It has taken his wife so much courage to go on and be the best mommy she can be for her kids. My prayers will be with all of you during this time.

Sarah said...

Yes, Jenn, this is exactly about courage. When my father died suddenly 11 years ago (has it even been that long?) I thought the exact same thing...this shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't have to deal with this. We shouldn't--my family, my mother. But we all found the strengh, together, to make it through each small step during the aftermath of his death. And I still find the courage to remember him fondly without breaking into tears over how much I miss him. It's not easy. He was my everything. And 11 years does not make it easier, just perhaps more real. More accepted.

Be there for your friend. With anything and everything. After the first few days and weeks pass by, she won't stop needing the help and the love and the support.

kate said...

i have to agree with the other ladies in that this post reeks of courage. the courage to even consider, if only for a moment, what if that was me?
and please do stay strong for your friend. and be there. quiet and calm. supportive.