Quit'cher Judging

Isn't the universe great?

The other day I found an old friend from university. Or rather, she found me, on Twitter of all places. Which led her to my blog, and me to her blog, and so on and so forth. This wasn't someone I knew well in university, but I have since become totally enamored with her blog and her writing.

So today, in lieu of anything intelligent to say myself (I'm saving it all for Griffin's 4th birthday post, I swear!) I am going to share this instead.

It's brilliant, very well said.

From Cynthia at Climbing up the Slide (with permission, of course.)

An Open Letter to All Parents

Dear Mom and/or Dad:

We all have opinions. Some of us are stronger in our convictions than others. Some parents read everything they can get their hands on, all of the newest research, before making any decisions. Some go mostly by instinct. The vast majority of parents are doing the very best that they can, given their family situation, their mental and physical health and that of their children, their finances, their education... There are just so many factors in our personal parenting philosophy.

But smart parents know one thing: when it comes right down to it, we KNOW very little. We estimate, we guess, we hope, but we DON'T KNOW. One expert says that CIO is child abuse, another says that science shows it not to be as cruel as it may seem. Breastfeeding raises IQs and increases overall health, so obviously formula babies are going to be stupid and sick? Nursing in public is rude and gross, or it's completely natural. Babies should be worn or held as much as possible, or it's okay for them to cry once in a while, so that mom can make dinner or do something for one of her other children.

We make decisions every minute of every day, and whether we like to admit it or not, we make judgements about other parents based on our own personal philosophy.

Those judgements, though, except in extreme cases, should be kept private. There is no honour in being "right." You will not get a parenting medal. Just like the fact that no one will give you awards for having a "natural" childbirth versus opting for an epidural, no one will laud you for suffering through years of a child who wakes up every hour, rather than trying to help them learn to sleep.

We do what we can, as parents, and for most of us, it's an ever-changing experience. In my post Things I Used to Judge Other Moms for Until I had More than One Kid I talked about how much my thinking had changed on a lot of issues since I had my first "perfect" baby. You see things a lot differently when you have two or three (or four or more) CHILDREN running around, than you do when you have one sleeping angel in an infant carrier. You change and mature as you get older, no matter how old you were when you first became "Mom" or "Dad."

I feel sorry for anyone who thinks they know it all: there is so much to learn in this world, and you're missing out on it because you already "know" so you don't need to listen to anyone else.

It's great that you're confident in your parenting. I wish we could all feel like that. Truly, though, when I see someone lash out at someone else's decision-making as a parent, I see someone who doesn't feel nearly as confident as they want the world to believe.

Judging others may be "a part of life", but emotional attacks don't have to be.

Thanks Cynthia, I couldn't have said it better myself!

A Guest!

Today's post comes to you from a fellow Jen, at Jen and Joey Go Green. Jen is a fellow Canadian who writes about their journey to Go Green. She's got a great site, please take a moment to go visit!

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I have been camping since I was 6 months old. I honestly believe that this played a big role into who I am today and why the environment is such a huge part of my life.I am camping right now actually. Today I did a lot of thinking about what I would write in this post. As I was going for a long walk with my son on my back I reflected on what it is love about camping.

SMORES. Seriously what is camping without smores??? A waste of time in my books!I also love being out in nature. To me camping has a smell, it has a sound. I grew up camping. Every summer I would spend at least half of it under a tent. I learned about conservation, endangered species, wildlife, and astronomy. I learned to love more than just smores.

As I sit here by the fire listening to the sounds of the bugs and birds I can't help but think about how camping can help you get back to the basics and reconnect with nature. Hell a raccoon just stole all of our marshmallows (no more smores for this girl) you don't get much closer to nature than that!

I think that camping is a great activity to do with your kids. It helps them to appreciate nature. So maybe just maybe they will be less likely to destroy it. I have such fond memories of camping as a kid. I remember when it poured and we would all sit in the dining shelter playing games. Or when I was in my tent changing and a bee stung my armpit. It swelled to a bajillion times its size to the point that it was like a third boob. Yah everyone thought it was funny. IT WAS NOT FUNNY.

I do hope that by bringing B camping so early in life that he appreciates nature as much as I do. I hope it creates positive memories for him. I hope he loves smores. Seriously, if he doesn't I may just have to sell him to some gypsies.

A Guest!

Today's post comes to you from my real life friend Terri-Ann. I met Terri-Ann recently, and while trying to figure out where I knew her husband from (on Google) I stumbled on her blog. I've been a fan ever since, we have quite a bit in common. You can find her (and her three adorable boys) over at Our Daily Treasures.

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Although this is a guest post from someone you don't know, you can feel a bit of a kinship to Jenn anyway, since her creative fingerprints are all over it. I introduce the subject in one word:

Quilting.

I have been awed and inspired by Jenn's quilt projects. Quilting has long been on my list of things to learn how to do, and never got around to. (Three boys under the age of four might class as an adequate excuse!) Nevertheless, I subscribed to the online quilting magazine, faithfully browsed through the photos and articles of different patterns, and then filed them away in my brain for the "someday, but not now" days of my life that I hope will yield a little more free time for hobbies like these. I have this lovely image in my mind of sitting on the back deck, smiling on my little ones as they play in the grass, while my little needle gracefully weaves in and out of the material of yet another quilt for a wedding or baby gift. I know, I know. It's a little bit "Little House on the Prairie," but isn't there a little something in all of us that yearns for simpler times?

Then two events aligned to make someday, today. The first was a rampant and furious cleaning out of old clothes, which yielded 9 pairs of jeans that went into the garbage. The second was an article in my inbox the very next day on making a quilt out of old jeans. The coincidence was too obvious to be lost on even a sleep-deprived and busy mother.

I rescued the jeans, washed the diaper smell out of them, and started cutting. Then I laid out the pattern. Then I sewed up the squares. Then I sewed the squares into rows and sewed the rows together. And before I knew it, I had the top of the quilt! It was beautiful and big and I had sewed it all by myself! Me, who could barely manage a straight line on my sewing machine that weighs a good 50 lbs and is definitely at least 75 years old. (The thing is a workhorse, and sometimes scares me.) Me, who certainly was not raised in a sewing environment. I was lucky I had the machine at all, and the most I'd ever sewn on it before were a handful of ragged pant hems (the curse of being 5'3").

But then the work ethic disappeared on me. Jenn can attest to this. You finish the beautiful top part of the quilt, the creative juices all used up, and the quilt just sits there, waiting for the tedious and boring part of actually assembling the quilt. I asked myself more than once if I couldn't just use the top part of the quilt as my picnic blanket. After all, it was just for throwing on the ground at the park.

It sat idle for a couple of weeks before I got in gear and emailed Jenn: the instructions made no sense to me, and even once I'd laid out the quilt to finish, all I did was stare at the material, pace around the thick pile to the other side and stare at it some more. Jenn graciously invited me, my brood, my quilt, and all my sewing supplies up to her house to show me the next step.

I was a little embarrassed at how easy it was.

It took less than 5 minutes for her to have a look at my quilt and show me what to do.

I'm even more embarrassed to admit that, a week and a half later, the quilt is still in the bag I took to her house, and still unfinished.

I had hoped that posting about this quilt would spur me on to finish it, so I could post wonderful, beautiful pictures about my fantastic quilt work, the delicate handstitched detail, the subtle designs of all shades of blue and the girly touch of a pink backing. Ah well. Instead this is now a post of the perseverance required of mothers who yearn to start (and finish!) all those projects swimming around in our minds. I might be too late for this year's park season, but there will be next summer. You can be sure I will proudly tote my picnic blanket all around town, and when you see me sprawled out ready for a photo op you can say "Hey! She made that quilt all by herself! It's look fabulous!"

(Just please ignore the dirt and food and spit up and stains inevitable from three boys under four. I have no illusions it will ever look this good again!)

A Guest!

Today's post comes from my in real life friend Kristen. Kristen is actually the sister of one of my best friends, and we've stolen her 10 year old son and taken him to the cottage with us. Which is how she had time to sit around and drink wine on the dock and write blog posts for me! (Kidding...she actually wrote this a few weeks ago.) I've loved watching Liam grow, because it gives me a look into the future and what my boys will be like in a few years...not to mention piles of awesome hand-me-downs!

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Here are a few things that my 10 year old son has taught me:

My son has taught me to count the blessings we have. My husband has been working away from home for several months. My son is lonely and sad at times. And yet he is overwhelmingly joyful and happy 99% of the time. He is thankful for a warm rock to lie on after a swim, for a playdate with a friend, for ice cream and for the animals that live in our home. He is not counting down the days until his Daddy returns, or sulking in the tub with a glass of red wine. Nope, he's just out in the universe embracing all it's wonders. Amazing.

My son has taught me to be open to and present in relationships. My son loves deeply and cuddles tightly and smiles with real warmth at the people who surround us. Whether it's his grandparents, his friends or his teachers, he meets them all with the same enthusiasm. He loves to hang out with my best friend because she feeds him breakfast for dinner. He is content to sit beside his little cousin and watch Toupie and Binoo for the 10th time. He just figures that they love him, he loves them and so it's all good. No complications, just genuine love. Amazing.

Being the Mommy to a 10 year old is just amazing!